It’s been a while.
Life seems to take me in a direction I like while I feel lost and disconnected to the spirit. It’s a little bit as if the good things in my life right now are too good and I feel I really don’t deserve it. Typical.
I miss the energy moving through me. It’s gone and I feel lost and alone. My meditations feel plain and I am sometimes overwhelmed with feelings of shame, guilt at going towards life. It’s as if I don’t know who I am from within.
Outside the spirit life is great. I have made amazing friendships and reconnected, I spend time with my friends and daughter, started university, my gym game is strong, my body is getting ready for that Thailand bikini, moved back to my lovely cozy home and I enjoy hosting dinners, my hair smells good now (learnt how to take care of my locs) and I am happy. Yet, I miss the blissing out, the kundalini energy, the rewarding meditations and connection with the spirit.
I am trying to figure out what it means to heal, to forgive, to find oneself in materiality yet feeling left out by the grace of God.
Maybe I am about to embark on a new journey but I can’t do this without the spirit guideing me and manifesting in my subtle body. I don’t know.
I miss you mother goddess. Whatever this means, I choose a way of least resistance.
May your will be done in my life.