Emotional intelligence as a tool for healing.



Most of us are cultured into avoidance of anything and everything unpleasant. Unpleasant is  uncomfortable. We are cultured into action and reaction instead of allowing whatever emotional states we are in to rest in that place. Life however has other plan for us. Whether we like it or not we have to look at ourselves and life adamantly imposes itself on us.

We have to face who we are and what we project to others as well us examine what others project to us and the motions that arise.

My last relationship as dramatic and painful as it was, was the most healing and life changing event of my life. I came face to face with who I really am and who I was conditioned to be. It is funny to note that my partners in every relationship mirrored to me everything I needed to work on, to let go and eventually replace with new ways of being and acceptance.

Emotional intelligence in other words is the ability to stay neutral within regardless of what is going on without. A deeper understanding and contact with your inner demons in forms of emotions is a start. In truth you don’t have to do anything but observe yourself. Your mind and state of your soul provides your reality’s experiences. Trying to understand how your physical life plays out indicates the state of your inner being . Suppressing what you dislike about yourself is something but totally moving through life without knowing anything about yourself is huge. Denying aspects of your humanity is a diservice to the self.

Suffering and hardships are an integral part of the human experience. Being here gives you experiences of  every nature. If you are here,  you feel it, you are bound by it’s rules and laws. You can’t escape pain.

Know thy self.

How do you cultivate emotional intelligence?



Accept the experiences coming your way and end self torture of things we can’t really change. Our psychic events are just that. Psychic! Don’t fight it. It is very hard and it pushes you to the edge of madness but when you have allowed it to be, the ego surrenders and allows you to learn what is necessary at the time. Deep cleansing and authenticity through allowing and accepting.

Observe your emotions

Emotions can really bug you to react in  ways that are eventually destructive. Things, situations and people trigger and make you feel things that are not necessarily nice. We have a dysfunctional relationship with what we consider negative emotions. Emotions speak to us. They tell us exactly what we need to face at the moment. Anger, fear, neediness or whatever you feel is warning you to take a path that requires bravery. A path that requires you take a step or two back and allow it to boil without projecting it outward. Yes, only the brave who have failed severally beat the whispers of the mind.

Internal rather than external fixer

Nothing outsider of you will fix your external physical problems. We are structured as souls first before  materiality and physicality. Within lies the answers. Refuse to participate in the world and rediscover what the world means to you. Only you knows YOU. Of course it is very difficult to break conditioning and years of cultural cultivation. Listening to your inner voice rather than what society says is a way to understand the deeper meaning of your existence.  We avoid the inner voice by involving ourselves in busy states and worldly entertainment without pausing a beat. We become resistant to our own souls pleas to be heard. Meditation teaches us silence and letting go of negative responses. It quietens your outside world while opening up your inner world.


Strive for loving kindness

Regardless of the situation strive to project love and healing.  Where you can’t  be loving give yourself space to move away and go within. Forgive yourself. Respect the process because the process will replay itself until you master it. Loving kindness and compassion for yourself will teach you to have it for others. Nothing is easy. If it were we wouldn’t need to be here. Give others the space to be whatever they choose at the moment.

I love you.

Understanding  relationships as the playground for change.

Play is the purpose of all human interactions.  Play is fun and when it’s no longer fun we ought to step back a little and give ourselves time out. Instead we treat relationships as very serious non-fun games where we cheat, steal, manipulate the opponents. We act as if we can’t survive when the last whistle blow goes off or when we get red carded. It’s a game. Play. If it hurts and is unfair leave the pitch. Fix only yourself not your opponents. Be ready to bring your best in the match. Do better whenever you get the yellow card,


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I am a Kenyan woman who enjoys writing and vlogging about the Kenyan feminist issues while fusing dreams into stories related to the kenyan culture.

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