Finding love

 

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I have set one rule for myself. I don’t expect others to comply. When it comes to finding love, it’s best left for the universe to figure that out.

I don’t trust myself. I can’t trust myself. However I ask if it’s the fear of getting burnt or the reality of unattachment to outcomes? It could be both.

Perhaps my interest doesn’t lie in finding it from another or it’s just not the right time. I will tell you. I sigh of relief finally when it comes to anxiety related to relationships and love. I have no desire. No desire to dominate, own, be owned, love or be loved( perhaps that’s not entirely true and realistic). However I have no desire for only beautiful outcomes. I have learnt through experience that every outcome is good enough as it is. And that personal happiness must never be attached to outcomes. Or to another. If it turns out great, good for you, if not that’s good too.

The number one rule is never to look for love. What you are seeking is seeking you, said Rumi. And there is a possibility that internally you are still not healed from the old wounds and therefore are seeking from a place of lack or wounded soul which in turn brings forth at your doorstep the same old pain. And that is where you can gauge your growth. Do you still have to return back to the place you left? Not at all. Does it bother you? Of course. All growth requires some level of honesty, pain and confusion, vulnerability and an ability to see it as it is.

Having accepted that you are human, you love, you hurt, you win, you lose but still roll out, you are creating a place for yourself to be in total harmony with your outcomes.

There is no shame in being vulnerable and feeling a certain typa way when the love finding goes sour. Atleast from my point of view I prefer to act as an observer. Not a player. Playing requires rules, skills, feelings, involvement and a desire for results. Good results.

As an observer, you reserve the right to accept every aspect of playing yet of sidelining. So nothing really fazes you in the end because you see it for what it is. Does that mean you don’t have emotions and feelings enough for the outcome? Not at all. We all want things to turn out great but they don’t always do.

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I will play and sideline while I observe! Once you have left the pitch, ain’t there no going back . It’s a thrashing!

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I am a Kenyan woman who enjoys writing and vlogging about the Kenyan feminist issues while fusing dreams into stories related to the kenyan culture.

7 thoughts on “Finding love

  1. Very true. I usually say: If you hunt for external love you will chase it. Rather, lean back, and find it within you and share it with as many as possible. That way sooner or later someone else on the same level will resonate sufficiently for there to become a mutual attraction defined as love.

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