The journey of self-love

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I know that this is something we all struggle with. We employ self-care tactics when necessary and it works. Shortly. Atleast for me. I got tired of the recurring feelings and the solutions I employed. I got tired of taking myself to dinner, going swimming, proving to myself that I love me. I got tired of trying until all I wanted to do was lock the door and lie in bed and sometimes even felt like dying.

So this is how I got to begin truly loving myself. It was tough, rough and painful because it meant changing my view about so many things. For me it began by confronting my mom. I felt abandoned, lost and lonely for so long that I was afraid of either loving me or letting people love me. It hurt so bad everytime they left because it reminded me of my abandonment. In other words I started confronting parts of myself that I would rather ignore. The hours I spent mourning, talking to myself and just laying wishing I would die were many. I realize that playing tough and strong wasn’t going to make it anymore. So I chose to feel shitty. Whenever I felt a painful swelling in my chest, I didn’t turn it off. I didn’t understand it but I stopped fighting it. I locked myself in and let it do whatever the fuck it wanted to do. I let the tide flow with me.



Step 1: accept your emotions, feel them, honour them, spend time with them and because it’s recognised, emotions pass through. There sure is no end to this. And with time things are going to come out that you forgot about. Like that time mom shaved my head. Or that traumatic thing I refuse to acknowledge. Sometimes you don’t even know why but the swelling bursts and tears flow.

Step 2: Choose to sit alone. Solitude helps you to actually be able to see yourself raw. Sometimes having all your thoughts run around your head is great but they are just thoughts. They only exist in your memory. Your hurt last year is a memory. A memory you need to honour and let pass through. Now in the moment, what thoughts are forming? None. Every thought as been remembered. In the moment of solitude, breath in and out. Focus on your breath. Not your thoughts. Meditate.

Step 3: Removing expectations from self and others. NOBODY OWES YOU SHIT. Everything, everyone can come and go. Accepting that is important because it makes you understand how to let go. This is important. Letting everything go unless it wants to stay. You are only responsible for you not for others and how they show up. Even love has to come and go as it pleases. Holding onto the culture of wanting things and people to stay and not change is going to harm you.

Step 4: Live a life that is minimalistic, fulfilling and quit chasing after material shit. They will find you. We suffer because we want to keep up with the Joneses and the Jonesses are pretending to be happy. Accept your situation, eat only when hungry lol stop buying too much shit and instead find why you are replacing your emptyness with spending money unnecessarily or buying shit you don’t need. Unclutter your mind and your home. Your friends and your environment. Quit impressing people..

Step 5: Nature and physical exercise. Go out and spend time in nature. Dance, play, run, train, yoga, swim, cycle anything to give you a pulse. Rest well, eat well. Reduces stress levels tremendously.


Step 6: Don’t compare yourself to others. Live your truth.

Step 7: Forgive yourself. You ain’t perfect. Ask for forgiveness mostly for self because this way you begin to accept that you yourself hasn’t shown up to yourself as your best nor have you shown up to others as worthy. This is by accepting your own shortcomings, understanding the origins and starting to work on change. You don’t have to continue judging yourself harshly but acceptance is important.


Step 8: Have gratitude for your health, your food, your family, your home, your everything. Every morning if you can be grateful. Say a thank you prayer. Name things you are grateful for. Make affirmations every week. Read them aloud to yourself. And send them out to the universe.


Step 9: Maintain a positive outlook ALWAYS. Imagine you have a pen and paper and can draw. Daydream about the changes you want to see. Daydream about the future you want. Positivity. Give out positivity. Get back positivity. The human mind has the power to turn images into reality. Draw, imagine, make vision boards, meditate your vision. Create!!!

Step 10: Accepting the whole of you. Negative and positive. Accepting others ideas or atleast respecting them and just nodding your head and letting them go.

Step 11: Be gentle with yourself. Be protective of your own energy. Ask yourself if it’s worthwhile. Where energy goes attention goes. Your energy is your field of power. Guide it. Protect it. Give it only when it’s worthy.

Step 12: Honoring experiences we deem negative. There is only one reason why people come together. To learn. Lessons are to be accepted, honoured, respected and learnt. Everything that gives tears, pain is a school. Attend and get food grades… self flower



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I am a Kenyan woman who enjoys writing and vlogging about the Kenyan feminist issues while fusing dreams into stories related to the kenyan culture.

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