The other day I was so exhausted. Exhausted of constant chatter, distraction, oppression, capitalism, escapism, disrespect for the feminine and just a chaotic world was driving me to the edge.
Before this break, I was intuitively being pushed towards shutting down. Giving space for the within to manifest and let the without rest.
I know. I sound very crazy right now. Definitely. Finding that thin balance between me and the perceptions of me created by my world is about to cut loose the last string.
It’s important that I rediscover myself outside of what creates my experiences as a woman and person. I don’t know what that is or what I will find. Or what secrets lie within.
I don’t know. I want the chatter to stop. I want to hug a tree, I want to walk on the grass barefoot. I started coloring the fruit of life and want to draw sigils and be creative. I have this strong desire to reconnect back to earth and breath.
I used to panic and feel as if this was negative. As if I was slipping not only out of my life but out of my mind. The fear of breaking down bordering depression is thin.
I don’t feel depressed. I have so much energy. I just need a different set of rules and much more qualitative lifestyle that incorporates the changes within my soul.
I guess this is what awakening feels like. Spirituality arriving at the doors of your own shrine. Ahh.
I don’t know. I am fueling. And that’s what counts. I am lucky I guess.