Of finding your pack.

FB_IMG_1507787185297Over the course of my life I have experienced different friendships with other women. The sense of wanting to belong was quite stronger when I was younger and now it’s almost no longer there. Probably because finally I have found a pack of my own and have found myself.

I didn’t understand how important female connections were because I was taught to be wary of other women. I was socialised into competition with other women and the worst of all, we were all holding onto these friendships until we found something better, marriage. The friendships would eventually die because they have run their course and married women no longer need to have relationships with their single friends. That’s just how it was supposed to be. We believed it.

Nobody really tried to understand the pain of losing friends or worse still being the last one to get married.

For most of my friendships and the need to fit in, I sure did pick friends that were not really interested in our personal growth. I don’t blame them. They didn’t know better. There is always the pressure to appear to be in a group of women yet we derive nothing valuable from each other.

Being a loner has always been a thing to not aspire. Atleast I thought so. Perhaps something was wrong with me for wanting to be alone and wanting to get to know people first before we become friends. I would come off as prudish and unfriendly. I should have kept by myself. I love being alone. I should have enjoyed that instead of feeling I have to make friends for my life to have value.

I lost friends along the way, some dumped me and others I dumped. I am no longer bothered by that. I refuse to be in friendships that are full of strife, drama, lies, gossips and lacking of self-work.

magazine-unlock-01-2.3.787-_cba0d1b51ccb4994bfefceed0e46b595.jpgAs I grow older, I certainly start to understand the importance of women coming together, pausing their lives and creating something together. It’s like prayer. Finding women who offer different kinds of love, knowledge, support and sisterhood.

Women who are not only interested in building themselves but who constantly check themselves and their own problematic selves. Women who share the same work and dreams. Women that truly value each other not just in words but in action and spirit. Women who belong to the same pack and can give each other honest critic and reviews. For me women who are free in matters of life and carry little or no judgement of each other is a gift.

In being with other women, we are constantly staying in the female energy that is powerful. We allow ourselves to share with each other true and deep feelings about issues within and without. We gather support and bask in laughter and sometimes tears. We can show each other affection and love without fear.

Finding ones pack is ultimately a blessing to behold!




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I am a Kenyan woman who enjoys writing and vlogging about the Kenyan feminist issues while fusing dreams into stories related to the kenyan culture.

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